In times of need, only your true friends comes thru for you..
While doing my daily routine of going to the gym, i had sometime to think to myself... and suddenly i became depressed. There's just so many questions in my life that i want answered... like why am i still jobless after so many months? The fact that i couldn't find a job in the states for 6 months I thought it was God's intentions for me to come back since nothing was working out in Ohio yet im still in the same place i was back in march.
I have been trying to regain my faith again by gettin involved w/ church activities but then why has that backfired on me too? Whenever i try to be a friend to others, they all misunderstand me. i maybe trying a lil too hard to get involved but i just wanna be the older brother to the new guys in church yet they have all these misconceptions about me that it really hurts whenever i get left out. Its also so hard to adjust from being a student to being an adult now... not just w/ the adults but especially w/ the kids because they still think im some brother they can bother... but it really pisses me off that whenever a kid hits (OR BITES) me, i get into trouble for it... i mean why the fuck would i be trying to piss kids off in the first place right?
Honestly, what are the things am i doing wrong in life? I honestly thought this was God's wishes for me to come back to Hong Kong.. so i can take care of my mother... but w/ me around, my mom seems more stressed then ever... n in the process she gets sick every other week. Anyone who knows me knows how important my mom is to my life, and even though i have had differences w/ her i still love her... but after all she's done for my life, does she deserve to be extra stressed out because of me? It hurts me even more that i should be the one who's taking care of her yet she's still providing for us... if there was only something i could do for her...
Lastly, about friends... when i was feeling depressed, thinking about all these things i realised who my true friends really were. Unlike the US, i guess i dun have as many close friends as i thought i did... but today i couldn't find anyone to talk too but in the end, i found two people who really did care about me... and understood me for who i was... and even though they felt like they were no help to me, just the fact that these two people listened, i just want to say thank you (u know who u two are!). I really appreciate it!
In closing, i know all this is God's test... like how he tested me last summer w/ all that BS that happened in my life. The thing Judy told me a year ago has stuck w/ me which i would never forget... is that God is testing us because he knows that we can handle it. I believed i've proved that i've overcome all those problems and i pray that these problems i am going thru right now will be over soon! =) HOPE THIS IS THE UPDATE U WERE LOOKING FOR AARON! =)
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